Saturday, 5 February 2011

Born To Be Wild. Very Nice.

Mr Roving Blade found a folded note on the floor in my Hole. That's not my pelvic floor. That's long-since collapsed. I demonstrated that very clearly the other day when a nice smiley doctor chap cheerfully shoved a camera up my special lady private boudoir place. Yoooowwwlllll........ This wasn't a new adventure within a loving relationship. This was one of those things you're supposed to be grown-up about. Not good at that sort of thing me. It's not nice. But hey - it turned out to be quite a social event. There was about half a dozen other people in the room. One to hold things, one to learn things, one to smile at you etc. The best one was the lady who does chirpy chatter to take your mind off the nice smiley man sticking a camera up your boudoir. She was SO good at her job that we were quite a double act and I started to worry that my hearty chuckling would ping all that stuff out my 'place' and smack him on the head. But obviously those days are way behind me. Not that I did that sort of thing for a living. Just for a laugh. Anyway, my failure to ping just made me chuckle more. Possibly hysteria. But at least I was there. Hadn't been a dead cert that I'd actually turn up. Could think of better things to do. Being married to a photographer wasn't an advantage here although, bless him, he did offer. I tried to protest that despite not being in very high demand in Bangkok these days I still wasn't convinced I'd have room for his zoom lens. He disagreed. He is not a nice man. SSssssssss......... Anyway - I was quite proud of myself in the end. I did grown-up. Hang on - let's drag myself back to the plot of this blog. What am I like?

Yes - back to the folded note and the floor. I meant the floor of the place where I do my washing. Wildcat. The note was a to-do list of Minx's:

Things to do today

Get up. Get dressed. Brush teeth.
Go to ice-skating. Go to Streetdance.
Get chocolate bar. Go to library.
Go home. Eat chocolate. Watch Whip It or Blades of Glory.
Do more funny videos of E.

'She's inherited your love of lists' mocks Mr R Blade.
'And she's inherited your allergy to folding' I scowl, looking at her jumble sale shelf.
'Some of us were not born to fold'
'I wasn't BORN to FOLD!'

GGgggggrrrrrrrooooowl!!!! Surely there's more to me than that? I'm frowning as I resist the urge to correctly re-align Minx's original creases on the page.

Well maybe her life ain't so constrained. It's not a bad ol' list - it's a bloomin' nice life! Maybe her disdain for neatness will keep her from being crushed by domestic drudgery in the future. She can fly! Go wild. Be whatever she wants to be. The whole world is hers.....

Smoothing over the last flap I read 'PRIVET'

Bugger. In more than one way.

Still - it'll have comedy value in a few years' time. I'm saving it for my scrapbook. The stuff that goes from something the kids are so proud of, to horribly embarrassed by, to (hopefully) nostalgic about. But it's also nice and flat. This helps. Now what to do with the 500 paper aeroplanes that Little Rock Godling is constantly designing, creating and lobbing at breakables? More active crease-making - but all wild and wonderful. Now how come, with my reknowned folding prowess, can't I make paper aeroplanes?

Maybe it's because they don't stack nicely.

Who'd've thought I'd be so ruled by Nice? I am horrified by this discovery. It's really really not nice. Not nice at all. And I start thinking about 'folds' and it slowly becomes far from nice imagery. Folds of fat. Folds over and dies. Folds as in a breakdown. Benetton. Eugh. Hhhhhhhsssssssttttt!!!!!.......

I WAS NOT born to fold.

So I shan't.

Well - I will but you know what I mean.......

* * * * * * * * * * *

Oh god - I've got bloody Kenny Rogers in my head now singing 'You've got to know when to hold 'em. Know when to fold 'em. Know when to walk away. Know when to run. You never count your money. When you're sittin' at the table. There'll be time enough for countin'. When the dealin's done.'

There is only one solace at such a time. And it's this:

It's in your head now.


There - I'm not nice after all am I?

Miaowwwwwwwwwwwwwww ......... Prrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrr...................


  1. But you see I love Kenny Rogers and folding makes me calms me.....I know...weird huh?

  2. OK I'll admit it. I love Kenny Rogers too - just didn't think anyone else would dare own up.