We recently had to change halls. The last one's little garden was deemed UNSAFE. So no more outside space. This cannot be!
We found a 'new' hall. With outside space and free parking and a little cafe and somewhere to make tea.... Took weeks of hall-inspecting and full-teeth smiling to get to this stage. Voted. Sigh. We have a new hall.
We have lost our new hall. We have apparently behaved in an unacceptable manner. Our crimes? Well........
* The first week She-Who-Says-So saw 3 girls in the toilet AT THE SAME TIME washing their hands. And one of them was YOUNGER than the other 2. (Well - She-W-S-S may have been spared this atrocity if She'd unlocked the kitchen we were paying for. But maybe She wanted us to get our teas from Her Community Cafe..... Aaaah! Maybe She's clever?)
* We drift into the Community Cafe in 1s and 2s - so inconsiderate. And it's 1 0'clock and the She-W-S-S had already washed the grill so was NOT about to dirty it again for cheese on toast even tho' She doesn't shut til 2 o'clock so there. (Uh - OK hold the 'Clever' idea then... )
* They kick balls in the area She-W-S-S said was OK to kick balls in. (Tut Tut Tut........)
* Somebody deliberately held the gate to the playground open. (OMG! There must have been another one of them coming through!)
* Those children are UNSUPERVISED! That's right. All those grown-ups loitering about in the background are deliberately not looking. They're not even really there. No I can't see them at all when I squint my eyes like I'm in Eastenders. In fact, all the children are abandoned godless bastards and should by rights be in the workhouse.
* Taking an hour and a half to clean up so we can see our faces in the floor tiles? Nonsense! We repeatedly 'leave the place a disgusting MESS'. And repositioning the library bookshelves on wheels back to their marked places and double checking this against the floor plan - (usually hidden)? Uh-uh! We 'move the furniture about'!
* And the children are RUDE! How DARE they answer back when they are being insulted by She-W-S-S! And not only that but have the audacity to comment on Her smoking right by the tightly coralled fluorescent-jacketed terrified little pre-schoolers She is defending against these heathen hordes. And this upstart's mother asking Her what the problem is? 'STUCK UP THAT'S WHAT YOU ALL ARE!' She retorts.
Oh - but the best is yet to come!
* We are NOT CRB CHECKED!!!!!!!!
I'm even outraged at this myself. The very idea. What were we thinking? Not CRB checked to look after our ....um.... own children.... ?
Initial reaction from one of our criminal sisters: 'Thank you for reminding us why we stepped out of your world.'
These dirty savage anarchists can now be spotted grouping around the shade of large trees in local parks, spending their dirty money in those cafes instead, apologising to a very cross lady at the bottom of the hill for the dirty great skateboard that just crashed into her back........
'There are By-Laws you know! You're not allowed skateboards in parks! Or scooters!'
(Or footballs.... Or ice-creams.... Or buggies.... Or children who should be in school! ...?)
Honestly! Haven't they got homes to go to?
We really are being run out of town. Nobody likes us and we don't care.
Next stop Tonbridge.
Be afraid Tonbridge.
Be very afraid.