Tuesday, 20 July 2010

Never-At-Home Education - Part 2

We recently had to change halls.    The last one's little garden was deemed  UNSAFE.    So no more outside space.    This cannot be!  

We found a 'new' hall.    With outside space and free parking and a little cafe and somewhere to make tea....    Took weeks of hall-inspecting and full-teeth smiling to get to this stage.    Voted.    Sigh.    We have a new hall.

We have lost our new hall.    We have apparently behaved in an unacceptable manner.    Our crimes?    Well........

*    The first week  She-Who-Says-So  saw 3 girls in the toilet  AT THE SAME TIME  washing their hands.    And one of them was  YOUNGER  than the other 2.    (Well  -  She-W-S-S may have been spared this atrocity if She'd unlocked the kitchen we were paying for.    But maybe She wanted us to get our teas from Her Community Cafe.....   Aaaah!    Maybe She's clever?)

*    We drift into the Community Cafe in 1s and 2s  -  so inconsiderate.    And it's 1 0'clock and the She-W-S-S had already washed the grill so was NOT about to dirty it again for cheese on toast even tho'  She doesn't shut til 2 o'clock so there.    (Uh  -  OK  hold the  'Clever'  idea then...  )

*    They kick balls in the area She-W-S-S said was OK to kick balls in.    (Tut Tut Tut........)

*    Somebody deliberately held the gate to the playground open.    (OMG!    There must have been another one of them coming through!)

*    Those children are UNSUPERVISED!    That's right.    All those grown-ups loitering about in the background are deliberately not looking.    They're not even really there.    No I can't see them at all when I squint my eyes like I'm in Eastenders.    In fact,   all the children are abandoned godless bastards and should by rights be in the workhouse.  

*    Taking an hour and a half to clean up so we can see our faces in the floor tiles?     Nonsense!    We repeatedly  'leave the place a disgusting MESS'.    And repositioning the library bookshelves on wheels back to their marked places and double checking this against the floor plan  -  (usually hidden)?    Uh-uh!    We 'move the furniture about'!

*    And the children are RUDE!    How DARE they answer back when they are being insulted by She-W-S-S!    And not only that but have the audacity to comment on Her smoking right by the tightly coralled fluorescent-jacketed terrified little pre-schoolers  She is defending against these heathen hordes.    And this upstart's mother asking Her what the problem is?    'STUCK UP THAT'S WHAT YOU ALL ARE!'    She retorts.

                Oh  -   but the best is yet to come!

*    We are NOT CRB CHECKED!!!!!!!!

I'm even outraged at this myself.    The very idea.    What were we thinking?    Not CRB checked to look after our ....um.... own children....     ?

Initial reaction from one of our criminal sisters:    'Thank you for reminding us why we stepped out of your world.'

These dirty savage anarchists can now be spotted grouping around the shade of large trees in local parks,   spending their dirty money in those cafes instead,   apologising to a very cross lady at the bottom of the hill for the dirty great skateboard that just crashed into her back........

'There are By-Laws you know!    You're not allowed skateboards in parks!    Or scooters!'

(Or footballs....   Or ice-creams....    Or buggies....   Or children who should be in school! ...?)    

Honestly!     Haven't they got homes to go to?

We really are being run out of town.       Nobody likes us and we don't care.    

Next stop Tonbridge.

Be afraid Tonbridge.    

Be very afraid.




  1. Well! She-who-needs-to-be-obeyed needs a time-out on the naughty step, doesn't she?!

    Dave and Cleggy better do as they promised and remove a ton of this alleged pc balony, CRB for mummies!!!

  2. From what I gather - the Local Education Authority Clip-Board Carriers due to visit these abusive lazy worthless types, ready to weild powers that actually in law they DON'T possess - have run out of money.

    It's almost a shame I won't get a chance to humiliate one in the comfort (?) of my own hovel.

    Actually - I'd better not tempt fate. If one of them really did come banging on my front door there would be several reasons why I wouldn't open it. One of them being - I cannot open it even if I was on fire.

    We would all be condemned.

  3. That's enough to make your blood boil and want to renew your skills in pins-in-face doll making. Three children washing their hands! A miracle not a complaint surely. FFS.

    We have a get together once a week at a hall in a yokel village and the hall committee are nice enough but they did recently voice their concern about all these children being 'excluded from school'. We laughed our pants off at that one!

    People walking their dogs in the fields around often comment on the children being up trees and apparently generally unsupervised but as you say, they think that we don't care about them and that the children don't care about each other.

    WE seem to be the only people who ever sweep the place too but we daren't leave it how we find it :(

    CRB - Council people Raise my Blood pressure.

  4. One of 'our' kids heard about a couple of ladies at the last swimming pool gathering muttering about '....should be in school..'. He went steaming up to them and bombarded them with facts and figures about the law pertaining to elective home education and how they shouldn't judge so quickly and that the parents are exercising their responsibility not abandoning it. He swam back very proud of himself, until someone else pointed out that it wasn't THOSE 2 ladies.....

  5. local village halls are fantastic places. i love them. it's the old lady who comes with it that is a bit of a nightmare, unless you find a dream one. one that looks like your mum, tidies up after everyone, and forgets to charge you.

  6. We are going back to the bosom of a previous hall (the one just before I joined in) where apparently - they have cleaners!!!!! And if it's a jolly nice day and everyone decides to go to the park early instead of stay for the extra hour booked - they believe you and don't charge!

    Why was this nirvana abandoned before you may ask - 'cos there wasn't as many of 'us' then and the hourly rate went up - but now we are legion!!!!

    AND they might even unlock the toilets for us - unlike the last place after the 3 girls washing hands at the same time debacle!