Ping plus ping equals plus twos

'Not plus fours. These are plus twos. Plus fours are baggier.'

So now you know.

What else have I learned lately?

Lots. But I can't remember. Really interesting things too. What was I watching last night that made me go 'Ooh well I never!!'? Roving Blade even raised an eyebrow impressed by the new info. I bet he won't remember either.

It's like that these days. If I remember to put my shoes on before leaving the house it's a triumph. R Blade used to despair of my memory, until he misplaced his own. Now I get to tut back. Or smile all angelic like. Coz it's payback. And payback is way more fun when you pretend to be supportive but are almost imperceptively taking the piss. It lasts longer.

I love learning new things. It makes my little brain go ping. If only my little brain would put it somewhere accessible. But I don't have that kind of little brain.

I have the kind of little brain that will never recollect things on demand, only when someone else is speaking. Then I have to blurt out the spark before it darts behind the mental wardrobe for another seventeen years.

This is consider rude by many people. Fuck them. I'm not rude. Just optimistic that they will be as interested in my amazing brainflash as I am.

Most people are not. They think I should learn some manners. Or learn to regulate my impulsiveness. Or learn how to pretend to not be me. But they might learn summink interesting from my cheeky outburst. And so might I - even if I am relearning something old. I will now be relating it to something new and making a brand new ping for my optimistic little brain. Making connections. Ping ping ping.

I wish for many pings to come. I hope I never stop pinging. Maybe forgetting things isn't so bad - I get to recycle my pings. Recycling is good.

Watching a film I watched last year with no idea what happens in the end is brilliant. 'I've seen him in something...' 'Yeah he was in that funny thing as the boyfriend.' 'And she was in that singy one with the sequel... and that one where she was married to the boyfriend from thingie.' 'Oh yeah. Like this one.' 'Yeah this one.'

'It was this one wasn't it?'
'No...' 'Maybe'
'We've seen this haven't we?'
'Yeah.'
'Can you remember what happens?'
'No. I think we realise he's a dick.'
'Yeah he's definitely a dick.'
'I didn't know she was in it.'
'Me neither.'

'What was she in?'
'That singy one.'

We are both a cheap date. Watch an old film like it's new. Tell each other 'You've had your tea'. Compliment him on his fresh haircut, from last month. Dig out the old shiny leggings 'Ooh!!'

It's fab. Lots of pings. I'm always learning something new... ish. And I'll share it with you when you least expect it.

I'm sorry that I have completely forgotten what I was initially going to blog about. Never mind eh?

But next time you find yourself talking to a dapper old golfer you can ask, impressively, 'I say old boy, are those plus fours or plus twos?' And no doubt he will be delighted to enlighten you.

You're welcome.

Golf... I think I was going to say something about golf. Where has that thought gone then?

'In the hole!!!!!'

Ahh. That'll do.