As you may have gathered I do like to place one or two obstacles in my way of a good clear run.
As in - The Book.
Yes I'm sorry to mention this again but it's been on my mind. I do like to say things like 'I'm writing a book' even though I'm evidently not. The thing is - I'm BREWING a book. Designing it. Visualizing it.
And that is somewhat the problem.
Not only am I 'writing a book' but I am also illustrating it in technicolor, constructing a complicated pop-up fandango, planning out the several sequels and, more than likely, printing, packing and distributing the bloody thing too. No sweat.
Well - no sweat 'cos it's all talk. Or all think.
But yesterday I had a funny little idea scoot into my mind. What if I just WROTE ... THE ...BOOK? Huh???
No no no!!! It needs pictures - PICTURES!!!!!
What if I just Wrote The Book with some simple black-inky cartoons?
Oh I dunno - it's just not my vision. Isn't that a cop out? Hasn't that been done before? It's not special......
Then today a couple of our gang were babbling about my latest rant on our Home Ed e-mail list thing - 'Oh you should write a book!'
'Funny you should say that. I sort of am. I mean I am. Yes. Sort of....'
'About Home Ed?'
'Oh yeah! Yeah.'
'Are you really?'
'Um well....yeah. I mean.... yeah! I've got a title and everything. Only........ it's going to be a big fully colour pop-up extravaganza. And well..... well I haven't quite managed to do all the drawings and stuff yet but........... oh are my chips ready? Mmmm-mmmmm-mmmmnn........ '
And off I go. Delving under the comfy covers of the day to day. Not writing a book.
So what the blinkin' blinkins SHOULD I do? Compromise and possibly finish a project, albeit a bit disappointing? Or reach for the stars - tempting fate to keep me in the gutter?
I need a plan. And a big stick. And a carrot. And a pencil. And a massive great kick in the arse. I might go and see if any of this stuff's in the fridge..... No No No. I know what I've got to do. I've just got to actually DO it. I think I'm close.
.......Really trying not to add 'To the Edge'. Shit. I'm so predictable. The Great Procrastinator's refuge - crap gags. Everytime. I'm like Roger Rabbit when he just has to blow his hiding place 'cos his urge to yell 'TWO BIIIITS!!!' in response to the 'Shave and a Hair-Cut' TAP-TAPPITY-TAP-TAPPing of his enemy was just too great. If I feel the obvious joke just bursting to get out I will always lift the cage door, and am then immediately leaden with remorse. If I could harness my wasted energy such as this and focus on something that would truly fulfil I'd be ..... well.... probably in bed - stacking up the zeds. Preparing my rested brain cells for an early morning's gallop. Firming up my footing for the big jump. Fly baby fly!!!!
But what am I doing instead? Watching the forest grow around my tower. Asking stupid questions in some pretence that I'm being pro-active when I already know the damn answers. This is the therapy side of blogging. Seeing a counsellor is a device which makes you ramble on for about a year until you're sick of the sound of your own voice and it dawns on you that what you really need to do is stop talking and start doing. Blogging is the cheaper alternative. And it works every bit as well. So here goes. I'm not going to witter on about The fucking Book anymore. I'm just gonna DO IT.
Just see if I don't!