Sunday, 10 October 2010

Ta Ta and thanks for all the peas...

Wot wiv all my ranting of late, I forgot to announce the recent demise of ....What-was-its-bloody-name.

The fish thing. Minx's fishy. Fishy..... Hhhhhh....

It did have a name to start, which has slipped my goldfish bowl brain. But being a fish of very little brain itself, it soon began to gather as many pseudonyms as ... well, me. (I have a diff mon for every blinkin' thing I do. Easier that way. Leave no trail....)

It got fat very quickly. So obviously got called Fat Fucker. It kept pretending to be dead - always floating upside down near the surface. So I started calling it Harold (as in And Maude). Little Rock Godling called it Max. Which was quite funny as it was at its Max weight. He also called his own fish Max. When Thuglet finally got 2 tiny minnows to go in the orb, he called them Max too. Minx called it many interesting girl kinda names. So interesting I can't remember a single one. Mr GPants called it every name under the sun. He was the one who had to keep scooping it out and feeding it peas. It spent its last few days back in solitary. Just him and the peas. With a bit of plant stuff for entertainment. (A bit like childhood of old really). This then earned him a new name - the Cooler King.

And now The King has left the building.

Last Sunday, during a break in the torrentials, Minx skipped out into the garden and dug him a little grave, laid him to rest and scattered flowers. 'Done it.' Back on Facebook. Sorted.

We all felt compelled to make it into a bit more of a ceremony. Got to give the little sod a proper send off. I've presided over many a fishy funeral before. Student days. We had a viking burial, a funeral pyre, a trebuchet-style launching.... Come on. Crocs on. All stood round. 'Anyone know a fishy song?' LRG put his hands together all holylike. Dunno who's house he's got that from. Must've been on Spongebob.

Mr GPants started 'Who shall have the fishy...' ohh-ooh good one! 'On the little dishy...' Altogether now - 'Who shall have the fantail when the boowat cooms in?'

LRG sweetly sang '12345 once I caught a fish alive...' And Thuglet sang 'Happy Birthday'. All very fitting. Then we took pictures of our feet around the graveside. Then we started fighting over the camera. Then I went inside and slammed the door.....

One down, 4 to go.


  1. We bought four goldfish about 8 or 9 years ago. Rory called them Frankie and Frederick (was it an Olympic year?) and Bob and...can't remember (will ask). They all lasted for at least five years. We have one left and I wish the bugger would die as we've all lost interest now.

    When we lost the third one I decided to google the best way to dispose of it. Apparently burial and flushing are not good as if fish is diseased it could get into the water system (surely not one tiny goldfish?). Internet recommended wrapping fish in newspaper and microwaving it for a minute, before putting in the bin.....!

    I buried it.

  2. Ber-limey! Imagine their little faces when you start cooking their pets!!!

    I think the big multi-nationals' spewage is a tad more relevant in the grand scheme of things.

    Ah well..... for all our love of nature, actually being directly responsible for some little creatures seems to be a bit much for us.

    RIP little fishy. Rest In Plums. He must be well splattered with over-ripe damsons plopping on his final napping place. Not to mention well trodden on as I try to whack the last of them down with a golf club.

    Life goes on.......

  3. oh gosh, he's one to the fish pool in the sky wot keeps leaking on us mortals!

  4. Oh BTW - Daft GIVEAWAY over at mine,.....PrincessMadameSmokinGun!

  5. At last someone recognizes my blue-blooded creds! Maybe it takes one to know one!!! (One likes that - kinda came out funnier than one meant it.... )

  6. You won it! email your address to

    It's a small pumpkin but it weighs a ton.... food for a year I reckon. Then you could fashion the skin into nice shoes for the children with some help from the elves......

    ...I think I'm overtired.