Wednesday, 17 March 2010

Sorry Darling

Mr Golf Pants has left the building. Read last blog.

Now he won't show me his swing in his pants anymore. (Here we go again - when wearing his pants, he now won't show me his swing).

Tracky bottoms. TRACKY BOTTOMS!

Mr Golf Tracky Bottoms is just..............pants!

He's gone all sensitive and stuff. If I'd have wanted a 'new man' (remember them? No I don't either because they DIDN'T BLOODY EXIST) I'd have......................not started that sentence.

I want my Mr Alpha Male Golf Pants Man back! I did buy you some Midget Gems today....... and you can have little Rock Godling in your bed instead of me........ and ..... um - no you're right - I am in big trouble. Guilty as.

I hereby promise to only refer to you as a demi-god. Adonis-like. Full god. Golf God. Quiche hater. And to never mention your tank-top again. (BTW did I say it is pink?) Ooops - from NOW on anyway.

Whether in pants, plus-fours, a pinny or transparent PVC leiderhosen you will always be my God of the Real Man.

Swing that club baby.

Does anyone know where you can get transparent PVC leiderhosen?


  1. Yes - guess who just found the 'labels' box? I've been missing out!

  2. Commenting on your own post is really sad isn't it?

  3. Did you forget you over-excited lame slut that those comments were just you? Go back to bed..........

  4. Whoah! MSG you really need a dose of sunshine girl! Maybe you can persuade Mr Golf Club pants to take you somewhere exotic? Ok. Just a thought.

    By the way when you say 'pants' are you talking American 'pants' or British underwear? I'd like to clarify the picture in my head. (At the moment its a sort of US-UK hybrid - Union Jack Long Johns)

    And (while I'm here) are you really an ex-plastic tree maker or is that some subtle reference to a Radiohead song?

  5. The main duty of our other halves is to be fair game for playing the hapless fools on our blogs. I do this to mine all the time and he understands now that it adds balance to the post.
    Tell him that we are all picturing him swinging in his pants and that the only thing worse than being talked about is not being talked about. He should be grateful to you.

  6. Definitely British pants-shaped PANTS. Good proper man's pants. No boxers - no thongs - just pants.

    We are going somewhere exotic soon - very exciting - he has a couple of weeks work in Dubai and so we're all tagging along to stay in one of his client's 'old' houses on the beach in the funny fan-shaped bit. Oh yeah!

    Apparently no kissing, no flesh, no holding hands and definitely no nuggets and chips 3 times a day like a British holiday. Oh - and an ice rink (?)

    Radiohead must have seen me through the window of that south London smelly industrial unit. I remember when it came on the radio there - I thought it was quite surreal.

    And - back to The Man in Pants - fair game and grateful ...... I shall indeed tell him. I'm sure it'll help his short game.

  7. Dubai. Definitely no hanky panky with pants man then unless you're both under a burkka (spelling?).Mind you, the only place I've ever had my butt groped in public by a complete stranger was in that oh-so-liberal country, Iran...

    Ice? Probably gold plated to stop it melting. I mean, isn't that the country where they have gold-plated foot grids for perching on while you pee down the hole in between. Or is that some urban myth?

    Plastic trees. Well that tops my 'retouching children's faces in school photos' job. I'm sure painting out children's snot and zits has given me some very transferable skills. Just not sure where I can transfer them to.

  8. shopping centres with such enormous displays they look like theatre sets. and lots of islamic patterning inside domes. and the beach. go to the 'old town' and the museum. we liked the museum. spinney's is like waitrose. i have a chum in dubai. she is very nice and is only 50% unstable. do you want her contact details?

  9. 50% unstable is good for me! That would be fab - Mr Golf Pants may try to sell her his services - which sounds way dodgier than I meant it to. He's actually a highly reputable (and very talented and wonderful) photographer - which is the reason we'll be out there. Snot and zits removed if wished - left in if required.