Sunday, 1 January 2012

The R-Word

As previously stated in relation to the popular compiling of bullshit promises, this year I am merely going to pursue my abounding badiness, smellificiency, fatiosity, bigly ungrammaticalitence, rudeorama and uncharitableables with the chuggessence I usually reserve for motorway driving. Rock on self-unimprovement. No wasting my talentlessness on ambition for me. Oh and I have just publicly announced on Facebook, I am going to knit The Statue of Liberty.

The last choice was a typically oppositional stance to my furrowed promise to never ever ever make xmas adventy calendar thingies ever ever again ever.

I unfurrowed, sighed, felt a wave of relief... and started planning next year all over again.

It started simply - paper snowflakes. Not another vein-pulsing over-ambitious attempt to create a whole miniature hanging forest of pagan delights like this year. Paper snowflakes. Not even opened out - they can do that themselves. In fact I could get them to make them by themselves. Now I'm using my noodle.

But then the noodle gets cocky and starts plotting while I'm not looking.

Then it starts bargaining with me. I do have a bulging bag of beads and bells and buttons and bollocks that I really should use up. All I need is a little more wire, string all the b's together in 96 random clumps (won't take long) and Bob's yer unc etc....

'Cept Bob is not my unc. I have 5 remaining uncs and none of them's a Bob. Neither do I have a Fanny for an aunt but I do have a twat of a brain which then led me to the wool shop to buy 3 different balls of blue wool - to make a background fringe for the beads of course. And some wire. Silver. 50p more expensive than gold. And then obviously I am going to either paint the lyrics for Fairytale of New York onto the leftover beads - or buy yet more beads with letters already imprinted - and it's still oh so simple.

But just to make it interesting I should now have the fringed lyrical bead garland spiralling in a more pleasing display.

And naturally this should be entwining a towering female figure.

So I evidently need to go back to the wool shop to get some more green wool as the accompanying bursting bag full of leftover green wool doesn't contain any of the right oxidized copper shade in order to knit an impressive Statue of Liberty around which the beady Shane words can shimmer.

So there we have it. A glimpse into the circles of my mind....

I think someone was indeed tossing in a stream.... my stream of consciousness.... Maybe I should start drinking again and regain unconscousness....

As previously stated in relation to the popular compiling of bullshit promises, this year.....


  1. The Statue of Liberty surrounded by the words 'cheap, lousy faggot' - genius...I think!

  2. this project sounds brilliant. i hope you will post images here because i am not on facebook. i have high expectations as well. i am imagining something the size of a house and with all the solemn grandeur of ... i don't know, something very.solemn.and.grand.indeed. the statue of liberty, maybe.

  3. Still can't do pictures.... married to a photographer.... will try and ingratiate myself with 12 year old - might get more joy there....?