Monday, 9 August 2010

I need to do this....

I need to write a new post......  for some unexplainable reason  -  I just do .......

......and I don't want it to be about birthdays or tidying the house  but......

                              oh god my life is so   DULL   DULL   DULL  !!!!!!!!

I have one more room and the cupboard under the stairs to attack and what I started last December  (was it?  -  all that bedroom rearranging seems so -  last December)  will be COMPLETE!!!!!

But guess what...    I have today to do this.    And ........   Thuglet is ill.

But not ill enough to sit nicely with delightful Swallows and Amazons on constant loop.

No no no.

Just ill enough to only beat 99% of the crap out of Rock Godling and leave my eardrums bleeding.

RG's now stomped off to the bedroom.    That's my last room to do!!!

G-E-E-E-ET   O-O-U-U-T!!!!!!!!

I want to achieve!!!!!

I can still hear little sobs.  

The big ones are mine.

Not sure if my sobbing is because I can't get to do this fabled  'getting the house straight'  thing  (actually I started this particular kick 3 years ago).

Or is it because this is what I've become.    An obsessive House Tidy-er.

But I'm SO CLOSE to having gone through every room and got rid of things and put other things away and HOOOOOOVERED.  

And  THEN  I can  'do something I want to do'  -  yes  -  ME!!!    I can update my scrapbooks  (this doesn't sound exciting I know but believe me  -  this is top notch entertainment in my brain),   or I could finish my decaying papier mache tree  -   ohgodohgodohgod just imagine!    Close to orgasm.    Or I could get my kids' books back up to scratch -  the ones where I write all the lovely funny things they've done and said.    Yes those.    I think Thuglet was born last time I opened them.    Yes I'm sure there are 4 books.    Or I could finish my Tutenkhamen cushion cover.    Or my Earth Goddess.    Or my quilt.    Or I could  ....   I could  .......  I could   WRITE MY BOOK  - the one I started about 8 or 9 years ago and got all excited about again 2 years ago  -  and again on my Bacton Gas Terminals holiday  -  OHHHH I COULD DO ALL THAT!!!!!!

I just need one more obstacle to put in the way of this longed-for achievement.    Postpone my fulfillment just a tidge.    Hold the happiness...

I need to write a new post ....... for some unexplicable reason........




  1. Sod the tidying. Write the book.

    That's why so many successful authors are male: somehow they manage to not see the shreddies that have been cemented onto the table for the past five years...or the pile of washing the size of Everest...or the unfed children...or the toilet seat encrusted with month-old pee.

    No. Write the damn book.

    (noting that the word verification this time is 'unpards' which really sounds like it should be in the dictionary)

  2. I tidied the room.

    I hoovered the whole of the upstairs. That's 4 rooms.

    By the 3rd I caught myself smiling. SMILING for christs'sake!

    By the 4th I was definitely over it.

    I came downstairs.

    They had trashed it.

    But I have ticked off the box marked 'upstairs'.

    For another 3 years that is.


    Tomorrow I pick up Minx from her 4 day stay at my mum's. And this will herald the end of a walk-throughable upstairs. But tonight - I can walk through with my eyes shut.

    That'll do for now.

    Of course.

  3. How did that 'Of course' get there?


  4. yeah those unpards get everywhere.

  5. Book, book, book!!!

    I dare you not to hoover for 10 days AND you need to write 100 words of book each day (get up b4 the brood awake.... if you start I bet you'll write more than 100 words....) Remember me when you're famous.
    Love you..

  6. Have you done your downstairs yet since you wrote this post (that sounds like a euphemism!)?

  7. I've just done a double-take on the 'get up b4 the bood awake' bit. That would be such an ambition! Mr GPants is ALWAYS saying that! I would LOVE to. Problem is..... a) Just can't. Just.......can't b) Even if I did, I don't know who I am, what my name is, what I'm doing here...... for at least 2 hours c) Would need to go to bed earlier and I......just can't d) Crap aren't I? Spent a year in counselling trying to work out why I'm so crap and can't go to bed or get up...... e) Baaaaahhh........

    I think it's got something to do with growing up.

    Just CAN"T.....

  8. I agree with big mamma frog. Stop tidying and start writing. Do as I say not do as I do. a tidy house is not a sign of a tidy mind despite what my mother taught me. I am having to unlearn that.

    Still, hoovering is probably one of the best jobs. Maybe you and I could do degrees in it? Or go on Mastermind and have it as our specialist subject? What was the red hoover called? Henry.
    What year was the Dyson invented? You know, that sort of thing.We'd clean up.

  9. Ha Ha!!!

    I think my extra-specialist subject would be picking up the same things today as I did the day before, and the day before that, and the day before.......... or maybe just swearing? Yes I can see it.

    Your name is?

    Cocky Arseholes

    Your occupation?

    Executive Fuckwit

    And your Specialist Subject?


    And your minute starts now. What is the first thing that you do in the morning?

    Shit the bed guy!

    How would you describe your family?

    Stinky cak finger-flippin' little bastards

    Of what would your average family breakfast consist?

    Bollocks and turds

    ................ I could do this I really could! I'm going to apply! Dear BBC....