Wednesday, 21 April 2010

I'd send a postcard but .......... eugnmmmphprrrrhhhh

I have nothing to declare except my ........pathetic desperate need to be remembered while I am away. Just thought I'd announce that I am heading off (ash-willing) Middle Eastwards in a day or so and won't have internet access for 2 weeks. Well...... unless I sneak off to some cyber cafe thing but that seems a bit sad - imagining 4 little noses pressed up against the window, buckets and spades in hopeful little paws. Pah.

Anyway - I'm hoping a dose of intensive sun (or most likely intensive air conditioning with me in a cardie - just like old teenage days) may inspire a regrowth of brain cells. God I need some. My powers of recollection, recognition, speech, putting one foot in front of the other etc are at zero. I can barely blog. Gasp.

So I will perhaps relearn how to communicate with my family without turning everything they say/do into 'potential blog material' (which gets instantly forgotten anyway - hence my output is usually a spew of self-loathing and leaden adjectives - see?) I may also address my serious ' - ' addiction, and unimaginative reliance on '........' s

I need to go to bed. I need to go on holiday. I need to go on medication. Do I need to go on? Oh for gods' sake woman (btw - ' gods' ' is deliberate) I NEED to cut out all this skanky stagnant pond of consciousness pigflaps and learn how to communicate with humans full stop

I really can't stand my incessant moanings. I want to reconnect with my spiritual side. Find the rainbow within. Bollocks - I know exactly what's bloody wrong with me - it's this not swearing lark. It's driving me inbloodysane! I'm sure that's why I've been so fucking angry for so long! I NEED to let it all out! Shitfuckwanktitcuntbollocks..........

God that's better.

That's way cheaper than anti-wrinkle cream. I feel like I'm on holiday already. I genuinely feel lighter and happier and deeply fucking soulful. We should not deny our true selves the expression we crave. I am obviously mined from a foul seam and am happiest crawling in the dirt.

We are all of us in the gutter but some of us fucking love it.

Yippeeeeeeeeeeee!!!!!!!......... I'm off little mouse!!!!!!!!!!


  1. Language Timothy!....pants, bottom, keyhole...oh goody I'm feeling better too (I learned those from my 5yo)

  2. happy holidaying !(though why going on a trip with children is EVER called a holiday is beyond comprehension).

    Are you really sure you can manage 2 weeks without internet access?

  3. holiday? HOLIDAY? you jammy bastard

  4. I know I know It's a jammy following hubby to work kinda ting - free use of someone's 'old' house thrown in - on the beach! With a pool!! In between 2 sheiks apparently!!! We just had to sort our flights (Mr GPants' was all paid for!!!!) So off we jolly well go. Hoping to come back with more money than we are setting off with (oh yeah? With MY daughter's shopping habit??) Well.... enough to cough up for the flights when the credit card bill comes in anyway. It's a plan. It's a good plan. I've just been filling in my proxy voting forms - hope you all enjoy the elections! - and Minx's HESFES ticket form as friends have VERY VERY kindly (and blindly?) offered to bundle her in the back of their camper - to save her from the sheer hell of a family holiday in Norfolk in the same week. Busy busy busy.....

    Right I'm off for a shower now so I can go to bed fully dressed ready for my 5.30 wakey wakey scream from Mr GPs.

    Valium ready and waiting on the kitchen counter.

  5. What! You mean you're actually going ABROAD?! I thought when you said Middle Eastwards you were talking about the Norfolk broads or something.

    Ok. I'm sulking now. You're not actually allowed to go on a proper holiday, you know.

  6. Come back soon! Your comments on Not Waving But Ironing's site always make me laugh - you too are like a double act. Why I didn't think to look you up sooner I don't know.

    Ex plastic tree maker? I want to know more.